In the doorway

It seems that we have been playing this same game for a long time now. I have one foot out the door and the other is still hanging on inside. I still want to be a part of that life. It makes me feel special. I feel cool to be your sweetie, to know you, to stay up late and to take long naps and to waste time and to fuck. Part of me still wants to hold on, and part of me is way, way ready to let go.

I'm tired of only half living.

I want to grow, like a sunflower.

I am playing guitar. I am singing. I'm trying. Every day it gets a little bit easier.

My roof leaks, I still need to fix it. The rainy season is coming. Wishing for sunny days and a burst of motivation.

I'm stuck in my head all day long. Think I may leave town for awhile so I stop feeling guilty for not returning people's phone calls. I haven't been able to sleep well for about 3 weeks. It's probably from eating so much chocolate and drinking so much wine all night before I go to bed.

Besides that, what am I learning about being graduated, out in the real world? Be straightforward, it's easiest in the long run. Don't eat weird foods all day long or you will feel like shit tomorrow. Thinking about health insurance is stressful. You have to drink more water if you are going to drink wine and coffee all day/night. Growing up is hard.